i want to bitch. i want to express how utterly depressed i am. i want to rant about everything that's unfair, all of the fucking bullshit, but i'm too disgusted and tired of even thinking about it.
i can't do this. i don't even know why i'm typing right now. i'm fucked.
i love my boyfriend... i love him so much. i feel like for the first time in my life, someone actually really cares about me. like obviously i have friends that are concerned and wanna know how i'm doing, friends that wanna party with me and shit. but you find out who your friends really are when times get rough and your life falls apart. how far will people go to help you? who is the person who doesn't give up on you even when you're giving up on yourself? any other boyfriend would have said fuck it.
i can't say that i've lost everything... cuz i haven't lost him.
i registered for college classes today. by the time all this bullshit is over, i'll have my degree and will be free to move to canada. i will never come back to the states again. canada is my home. jeff and i plan to get married. it's the only thing keeping me going.
i can't smoke pot anymore due to drug testing. i would fucking kill for a joint right now... one of those fucking 2 paper joints as big as my thumb. i'm just going to go ahead and talk about drugs and advertise what a terrible criminal i am. i hope another random livejournaler tries to flame me for it, i would love to have someone to bitch at right now.
i feel like my pride has been taken away and it kills me. to have these assholes tell me what i can and cannot do with my life, to be treated like an idiot and have people telling me to take responsibility for my "actions" when i didn't do shit, to have people say i'm just a crazy liar when they have no idea what happened. whatever, i guess it's all pretty irrelevant considering i'm moving to canada and will never have to deal with this fucking joke of a system again.
i'm done. maybe i'll feel like talking about everything that happened later on. i just can't handle rehashing this shit.