Tina Nina (noctina) wrote,
Tina Nina
noctina

you guys may not see me or hear from me again. i am aware of the fact that nobody really cares.

for those few people who might worry: don't worry. i'll either be in jail or dead, and i will be better off.

i am homeless. both of my parents are completely off their rocker. i can't go to school or work a normal job while living with either of them. i checked myself into a homeless shelter for a night, then i decided to just go to canada and stay with jeff and his parents. the only problem is that i'm on probation, so i am not allowed to leave the country and go to canada, but i did it anyway. my probation officer most likely knows that i am in canada right now, and i will probably go to jail for violating probation when i try to return to the states. i cannot stay in canada because i am not a citizen and can't get an apartment here or anything. i cannot move to canada because i am on probation and they won't accept people on probation. i will be deported eventually. i have nowhere to go and no money left, but i am expected to get a job and support myself and pay off all the court fines. you cannot support yourself with no college education making $7 an hour in port huron, michigan. i don't care what anyone says, it is impossible. even if i worked 40 hours a week, my entire month's income would only be enough for rent. i would have to starve to death, drive my car with no insurance, not have any heat in my apartment, etc. do the math. i have nowhere to go besides a shelter.

i don't have anyone to help me. i will probably end up in jail. i'm at jeff's house and have to return to the states tomorrow with nowhere to stay. i would rather die than go to jail. i would be in there for months and months. if they are going to put me in jail, they better handcuff me and get me there quick. because i will kill myself before they can catch me. nobody believes me when i say that, I REFUSE TO GO TO JAIL. i will drive my car off the fucking bridge first. i tried to kill myself before and i failed because i was stupid and took a bunch of tylenol and valium which they were able to pump from my stomach. i will make sure that i do it right this time so that nobody will have a chance to save me. i just want to tell everyone what is going on so that people aren't shocked. i'm sure people will comment and make fun of me for being suicidal on the internet, I DON'T REALLY CARE AT THIS POINT. i have already accepted the fact that these may be my last moments, my last journal entry, my last time talking to anyone. i have come to terms with it and i feel very relieved. this entire mess of my life will be over. i honestly don't care.

peace out.
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