Tina Nina (noctina) wrote,
Tina Nina
noctina

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"i just had some kind of revelation. but i lost my motivation."

yeah, whenever i'm stoned i'll just sit on this thing and start to write shit, then get off track because of some weird distraction, then realize the entry is retarded and erase it all and forget about livejournal...

but i wanna make an entry now and i will do it.

i THINK things are looking up... minus some minor fiascos...

when i left my dad's house, he was freaking out because i slammed a door and threatening to call the police on me for damaging his property. it was then that i realized i couldn't live with him... even though it was my only option, he was completely unstable and impossible to live with. i went to his house afterward to get my old prepaid virgin mobile cell phone so i could reactivate it and use it again. i am totally done with verizon and any cell phone company with a contract, for that matter! so my dad was being all crazy when i got my phone, telling me that i better get my belongings now because he's going to just throw all my stuff out. i was like "whatever" and came back on saturday with jeff to get the rest of my things. i only have a duffel bag with maybe a weeks worth of clothes in it. all the lights were off in the house, but my dad's truck was there. we knocked on the door for like 15 minutes, and even banged on his bedroom window thinking that maybe he was just drunk and passed out. finally i started to get worried... my dad is suicidal and he always sleeps with the tv on in his bedroom, but the tv wasn't even on. why wasn't he answering the door? so we went into the attached garage because the door was unlocked, but the inside door to the house was locked. we started knocking on it, and it swung open... and my dad came barging out of his room screaming. he accused jeff and i of trying to break into his house and kept screaming that he was going to get his gun and kill jeff. i have no idea why he would hate jeff so bad, since jeff used to come over and help him with things around the house and was always polite. they even smoked a joint together and everything was chill. so my dad slammed the door in our faces and threatened to call the police if we didn't leave that second. i yelled to my dad through the door that i just wanted to get my fucking stuff!!! i heard him get on the phone with the police saying "i have 2 intruders in my house that will not leave my property!" and was all freaking out like his house was getting burglarized or something. he was yelling that i was gonna be taken away to jail and that i'm getting arrested soon. then the phone in the garage rang, and it was my mom. i asked her if my dad had just called her, and she said "no, i was just calling to check on him" and asked what was going on. i told her my dad had just called the police because i came to get my stuff, and she told me to get back into the car and just park it in the road in front of the house. jeff and i decided to call the police and tell them that my dad was going psycho on us and threatened to shoot jeff and that we wanted police officers to be present while i retrieved my belongings. so the police came and told us that i couldn't get my stuff that day because of my dad's intoxicated state of mind (yeah, he was wasted) and that i couldn't actually go on his property without permission unless i had a court order, even though my belongings were inside. so the police talked to my dad and told him to let me get my stuff, and he told them that i had to get all of my stuff in one trip, and that i couldn't bring jeff to help me. he knows damn well that i can't fit everything i own into the back of my truck and that it took me 3 seperate trips when i moved from my mom's house! and he knows that i can't carry a lot of heavy stuff and will need someone (a strong guy) to help me. so this weekend i am planning on going back and getting my stuff, but i have no idea how i'm gonna do it. i guess i will have jeff come along and park on the road and we'll have to carry stuff out there. i'm gonna have to abandon my bed, even though i'm gonna need a bed whenever i get my own apartment. it's fucking ridiculous...

but i'm just happy that i have a place to stay so that i can get a job, go to school, and start getting my life together again. hopefully i can start making some money again, since i only have $200 left at this point. i absolutely cannot believe all of my money is gone... but then again i've been living off that money since october when all of this shit happened. i'm kicking myself for not saving more... i saved a lot though.

yesterday, beth (adam's mom) and i went up to the college and looked into getting student loans for me. my dad has always paid for my college, and now i'm screwed. i have to figure something out if i wanna register for classes next semester. getting a student loan is not a fun process.. i'm having all kinds of difficulty because of having to provide tax forms to prove my income as well as the income of both of my parents. did you know that you are still considered a dependent of your parents until you're 25? i can't get a student loan without their signatures.

like everyone says, just take it one day at a time.

i can't wait until saturday when i can see jeff. this is the man who pretty much keeps me going. even beth told me, "you know, he really cares about you". jeff is the most amazing person i have ever met. i think we have fallen even more in love since this shit happened to me, because it gives him the chance to help me and be my hero. nice guys enjoy taking care of girls. i always tell him how important he is to me, too. we've been together for almost a year now... he's my best friend. and i love him to death.

i think i'll have a better idea of how things are going after this week when i start my job. things are getting cleared up slowly... hopefully no more setbacks and crazyness. but i think i'm gonna have to keep both parents out of my life if i want to avoid crazyness.

shit. i'm tired... went to bed at 3 and got up at 9 for no reason. i wasn't tired, but now it's catching up with me. ughhhhhh. bye.
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